Talking about sex can be awkward, so many of us avoid it, but it can actually bring more intimacy into your relationship. If you and your partner find it hard to discuss sex or feelings in general, here’s a simple exercise you can try. Take a notebook and write your requests to your partner on one side of the page, and have them respond on the opposite side, starting with “I will” to show positivity. For example, “I will think about that” or “I will discuss that with you tonight”.

It’s crucial for both partners to fully participate so you can express your feelings equally. Place the notebook somewhere accessible and check it daily to ensure open communication. Share things you appreciate about each other, even the small stuff, like “I love when you make me dinner” or “I appreciated your support over the pocket money issue”. This kind of positive feedback can strengthen your bond and increase intimacy.

When bringing up concerns, try to avoid starting sentences with “you”, which can sound accusatory. Instead, say something like “I feel upset when you don’t call or text me back”. This approach can help prevent arguments by making the issue about your feelings rather than their actions.

Remembering past events that brought you together can also rekindle your connection. Talk about your early dates and what originally attracted you to each other. This can be fun to do with your kids, too, sharing the happy stories of how your relationship began. Alone, you can reminisce about your early sexual experiences and consider if there’s anything you’d like to bring back into your current love life.

It’s often challenging to say no to sex, but having a discussion about how to handle refusals can prevent future awkwardness. Offering or accepting a “no” with a hug and a brief explanation can make the situation less tense.

Consider how you perceive silence in your relationship. Is it awkward or a sign of comfort? Misunderstanding silences can lead to issues, so talk about how you both feel during these quiet moments.

When you need to discuss something important, pick the right time. Plan conversations for moments when you’re both not in a hurry. Clear, direct statements are more effective than vague hints. For instance, say “I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday” instead of “What are you thinking of doing on Saturday?”

Keep conversations about issues to under 20 minutes to avoid frustration and lack of resolution. If needed, schedule another talk to continue if the issue isn’t resolved.

Date nights can help couples reconnect, but keep your expectations realistic. Focus on having a relaxing and fun time rather than putting pressure on the evening. Make sure your date nights are free from distractions like phones or pets. When having sex, prepare everything you might need, like contraceptives or sex toys, beforehand to avoid interruptions.

Post-sex time is also crucial. Spend a few minutes cuddling and kissing to reinforce the special bond you just shared. This shows you value the intimate time together.

Understand your partner’s background and how it affects their views on intimacy and sex. Being aware of these differences can prevent misunderstandings. Approach these situations with patience and empathy, and avoid making assumptions about their behavior.

Discussing gender expectations can also be beneficial. Talk to your partner about how societal roles influence your sexual relationship and how you can move beyond these expectations to create a fulfilling sex life together.

Don’t expect your partner to guess what you want or need sexually. Have open conversations about your desires. If it feels awkward, practice with non-sexual requests first. This can help make sexual discussions easier.

Be curious about each other’s sexual needs and wants. Trying different types of touch without the goal of arousal can increase intimacy. Explore non-sexual ways of connecting physically to understand each other’s bodies better and enhance your sex life.

Spontaneous sex is fun in theory, but not always practical. Plan time for intimacy if necessary, or find a routine that works for both of you. A sex ban can sometimes help by allowing you to appreciate kisses and cuddles without the pressure of having sex.

Body insecurities can inhibit intimacy. Be considerate of your partner’s feelings about their body and make them feel comfortable. If they prefer keeping the lights off or staying partially clothed, respect their wishes.

Appreciate acts of intimacy for what they are, not just as precursors to sex. Enjoy kisses, touches, and stolen moments for their ability to deepen your connection without the expectation that they will lead to sex.

These tips can help improve communication and intimacy in your relationship, leading to a more fulfilling sexual and emotional connection.