Lisa, 32, shares her concerns in the latest Ask Sally column. Although her boyfriend is kind, funny, and financially stable, he falls short in the bedroom. She explains their relationship is strong, with talks of marriage and children, but her sexual dissatisfaction is a major issue.

Lisa says that her boyfriend never initiates foreplay and shows no interest in sexual activities other than penetration. She finds sex with him unfulfilling and feels like it’s a race to his orgasm, leaving her unsatisfied. Often, she has to finish herself off after he falls asleep, feeling frustrated and used.

Despite his willingness to receive oral sex, he rarely reciprocates, and when he does, it’s brief and infrequent. Lisa tried discussing this with him, but it led to an argument, and now she feels stuck and unhappy.

Concerned about her biological clock and the idea of starting over, Lisa feels trapped. She worries it might take years to find someone new and build the relationship to the point of marriage and starting a family.

Sally advises that Lisa needs to address this issue as it’s crucial for a happy marriage. Even though her boyfriend is kind and generous, his behavior in bed might stem from insecurity rather than selfishness. He might lack confidence in his sexual techniques and not understand that many women need more than just penetration to orgasm.

Sally suggests that Lisa should stop pretending everything is fine and have an honest conversation with her boyfriend. This discussion should happen outside the bedroom and should focus on improving their sex life as a joint effort. She should emphasize how much she loves him and wants their relationship to be fulfilling for both of them.

Seeking the help of a sex therapist could be beneficial, as it would provide them with guidance to explore and enhance their sexual connection step-by-step. If her boyfriend resists, Lisa should be prepared to go alone initially, in hopes that his curiosity or desire to improve their relationship might eventually draw him in.

However, if he refuses to work on this issue, Lisa needs to consider if she can stay with someone who won’t address something that makes her unhappy. It’s important for her not to settle but aim for both a happy family life and a satisfying sexual relationship.

Sally Brown concludes that being brave and facing these difficult conversations is essential for Lisa’s happiness and future.