Talking about sex seriously can be uncomfortable, so many of us try to avoid it. But Cate Campbell, the author of “The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy,” suggests that having these conversations can actually help bring more intimacy into your relationship.

If you and your partner find it hard to talk about sex or your feelings in general, here’s a simple exercise: Get an exercise book. On one page, write down requests for your partner, and on the opposite page, your partner can respond to those requests. Make sure the responses start with “I will” to keep things positive, even if it’s something like “I will think about that” or “I will discuss that with you tonight.” This way, it feels more like a conversation and less like rejection.

It’s crucial for both of you to engage fully in this process so that you can equally express your feelings. Keep the book in an easily accessible place and check it daily. This routine can help you both communicate your thoughts about how the relationship is going and address any concerns promptly, ensuring they don’t get ignored.

Expressing appreciation for the little things your partner does can also strengthen your bond. Simple acknowledgments like “I love when you make me dinner” or “I appreciated your support over the pocket money issue” show that you value each other’s actions, bringing you closer together.

When bringing up issues, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, saying “I always feel a bit upset when you don’t call or text me back” is less provoking than “You don’t call or text me back,” which can help prevent arguments.

Spending time reminiscing about early moments in your relationship can reignite your sexual connection. Share stories of your first meetings or what initially attracted you to each other. Including your kids in some of these positive stories can be fun, too. When it’s just the two of you, reminiscing about early sexual memories can also be delightful and might inspire new or renewed aspects in your intimacy.

One of the hardest forms of communication is saying no to sex. To handle this better, discuss how you both will deal with it beforehand. Offering or accepting refusal with a hug and a small explanation can prevent future awkwardness.

Consider how you handle silence in your relationship. Do you see it as awkward or natural? Misunderstandings can arise if one of you is comfortable with silence while the other is not. Discussing this can reveal differences in your perspectives and help improve communication.

Pick the right moments for important conversations. Plan them for when you are both free and not rushed. Be straightforward about what you want to say, like “I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday,” which is clearer than a vague question about plans.

Keep conversations about issues short, ideally under 20 minutes, to avoid frustration and unresolved conflicts. If needed, schedule another conversation to finish discussing the topic.

Date nights are a great way to focus on your relationship, but keep your expectations realistic. Treat these nights as relaxing and fun. Make the conversation enjoyable and, when having sex, ensure it feels special. Turn off your phone, keep pets out of the room, and have everything you need within easy reach.

After sex, spend a few minutes cuddling. This can be as important as the act itself, reinforcing your connection and making the experience more satisfying.

Be aware that your upbringing affects how you view intimacy and sex. Understand that your partner may have different experiences, and respect and learn about each other’s backgrounds to avoid misunderstandings. Don’t assume you know your partner’s sexual needs, and continue to stay curious and open about them.

Try touching each other non-sexually to see how comfortable you are with closeness and touch. Sensual touch without a sexual agenda can increase intimacy and set the nerves on fire.

Spontaneous sex is not always practical, especially for long-term couples with busy lives. Plan for intimacy if needed and address any bad habits by learning about each other’s bodies and embracing positive strategies.

Body insecurities can make people avoid sex. Be sensitive to your partner’s concerns and support what makes them feel comfortable. Appreciate acts of intimacy like soft touches or stolen kisses as they also contribute to intimacy and don’t have to lead to sex.

By focusing on these aspects, you can enhance your relationship and ensure a healthy, intimate connection with your partner.