Lisa, 32, from Manchester, wrote in seeking advice about her relationship, sharing her frustration about her boyfriend who neglects her sexual needs. They have been together for four and a half years, live together, and have been planning a future that includes marriage and children. Outside the bedroom, he is wonderful—kind, intelligent, hilarious, and financially stable. However, when it comes to sex, he’s selfish.

Lisa explained that he never initiates foreplay and focuses solely on penetration. This has made their sexual encounters feel like a one-sided race where he always wins, leaving her unsatisfied and frustrated. Despite being willing to give him oral sex, he rarely reciprocates, and when he does, it’s half-hearted.

She’s hesitant to end the relationship due to her age and desire to start a family. In the past, attempts to discuss the issue resulted in arguments and his emotional shutdown. Now, Lisa feels she needs to pretend everything is fine, but the frustration is mounting.

Addressing Lisa’s concerns, it’s important to have an honest conversation outside the bedroom. Present this issue as something they need to work on together, rather than placing blame solely on him. Express love and the desire for a happy and fulfilling relationship, including a satisfying sex life for both.

To improve their intimacy, consider seeking help from a sex therapist. This could provide a structured environment to address insecurities and build confidence, potentially transforming their sexual relationship into a mutually rewarding experience.

If he remains resistant and unwilling to improve their sex life, Lisa might have to reconsider their future together. A fulfilling sex life is just as important as any other aspect of a relationship, and she shouldn’t have to choose between having children and enjoying intimacy.

Ultimately, Lisa deserves both. It’s crucial to be brave and tackle these issues head-on to ensure a happy and fulfilling partnership.