Talking about sex can be awkward, so many of us tend to avoid it. However, having open conversations can actually bring more intimacy into your relationship. If you and your partner find it difficult to discuss sex or feelings in general, here’s a method that might help.
Grab a notebook. On one page, write down your requests to your partner. On the opposite page, your partner can write their responses, starting with ‘I will.’ This shows a positive and open attitude. For instance, a response could be ‘I will think about that’ or ‘I will discuss that with you tonight.’ This encourages communication without making anyone feel rejected or hurt.
It’s important that both of you take this process seriously. Check the notebook daily to see how each of you feels about your relationship. It can be an easy way to bring up concerns and ensure they’re discussed rather than ignored.
Show appreciation for the little things your partner does. Saying things like, ‘I love when you make me dinner’ can help strengthen your bond and spark intimacy. Avoid starting sentences with ‘you’ as it can sound blaming. Instead, express your feelings by saying something like, ‘I feel upset when you don’t call me back.’
Reminiscing about early days in your relationship can also rekindle a sexual connection. Talk about what initially attracted you to each other, and consider if there’s anything from those days you’d like to bring back into your current relationship.
Saying no to sex can be difficult. Discuss how you’ll handle such situations ahead of time to avoid tension. Offering a hug and a simple explanation can help ease the discomfort.
Silences in a relationship can also be tricky. They can be seen as either comfortable or awkward. Discuss how you both feel about moments of silence to prevent misunderstandings.
When there’s something important to discuss, choose the right time. Don’t catch your partner off guard. Make your needs clear instead of dropping hints. For example, say ‘I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday’ instead of ‘What are you doing on Saturday?’
Keep conversations about issues short, ideally under 30 minutes. Long discussions can lead to frustration and unresolved matters. If needed, plan another time to continue the talk.
Date nights are great for focusing on each other without distractions. Keep the conversation light and enjoy yourselves. When having sex, make it special. Turn off your phone and keep pets out of the room to avoid distractions. Have everything you need handy to avoid breaking the mood.
After sex, spend some time cuddling instead of immediately doing other things. This reinforces how special your time together is. Understand that people have different upbringings and attitudes about sex and intimacy. Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings and past experiences to avoid misunderstandings.
Talk about societal gender expectations and how they influence your sexual relationship. Discuss what you actually want rather than what you think you should want. This can lead to a more satisfying sex life.
Don’t expect your partner to guess what you need. Communicate openly about your desires. If it feels awkward, start with small, non-sexual requests. Be curious and interested in your partner’s needs and try new things together to keep the excitement alive.
Sometimes, just touching without a sexual agenda can increase intimacy. Explore non-sexual ways to touch each other, like gentle caressing or kissing. This can improve your closeness without the pressure of leading to sex.
Although spontaneous sex sounds exciting, it may not always happen. Plan time for intimacy if needed. Taking a break from sex and focusing on kisses and cuddles can improve your relationship.
Be mindful of body insecurities. If your partner feels uneasy about their body, respect their preferences, like keeping the lights off. This helps them relax and enjoy the moment.
Appreciate all acts of intimacy, not just sex. Simple touches, kisses, and eye contact can boost feelings of closeness and desire. Enjoy these moments without any expectation that they must lead to sex.
By being open, thoughtful, and considerate of each other’s needs and feelings, you can strengthen your relationship and enhance your intimate connection.