Lisa, a 32-year-old, shared her concerns in an advice column about her boyfriend not satisfying her sexually. They’ve been together for four and a half years, live together, and have been talking about a future with marriage and kids. While her boyfriend is loving, funny, and financially stable, he lacks in the bedroom department.

Lisa describes how her boyfriend never initiates foreplay and is only interested in penetration, which makes her feel like their sexual encounters are just about him achieving satisfaction. She’s often left feeling frustrated as he falls asleep content. Lisa has tried talking to him about it, but he got offended, leading to an argument. Since then, she hasn’t brought it up again.

She feels conflicted because their relationship is otherwise wonderful, and she’s worried about her biological clock. Lisa fears that breaking up over sex could mean losing her chance to start a family anytime soon.

Advisor Sally suggested that Lisa’s boyfriend might not be selfish but insecure about his sexual skills, possibly due to limited experience or exposure to unrealistic portrayals of sex in porn. Sally advised Lisa to have an open and honest conversation with her boyfriend, framing the issue as a mutual problem to work on together. She emphasized the importance of addressing this issue now before it becomes a bigger problem.

Sally also recommended seeing a sex therapist to help them both explore and improve their sex life. This may help her boyfriend build confidence and learn new ways to connect intimately. If he refuses to engage or change, Lisa must decide if she’s willing to stay in a relationship where her sexual needs aren’t met. Sally advises putting aside biological clock concerns temporarily to focus on resolving these issues first, so Lisa doesn’t have to choose between having children and a fulfilling sex life.