Talking about sex can be really awkward, and because of this, many of us avoid the topic entirely. However, discussing it seriously can help bring more intimacy back into your relationship, says Cate Campbell, the author of The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy.

If you and your partner struggle to discuss sex or your feelings, consider this method: get a notebook. Dedicate one page for requests to your partner and the opposite page for their responses. Responses should start with “I will” to maintain a positive tone. For example, replying with “I will think about that” or “I will discuss that with you tonight” shows attentiveness instead of rejection.

Fully engaging in this process allows you both to express your feelings equally. Keep the notebook somewhere easy to access and check it daily. This routine helps address concerns quickly, ensuring nothing gets ignored.

Acknowledging small things your partner does that you appreciate can significantly boost intimacy. Simple statements like “I love when you make me dinner” or “I appreciated your support with the pocket money issue” show your gratitude and can help bring you closer.

Avoid blame by not starting sentences with “you.” Instead, express how you feel calmly. For example, say “I always feel a bit upset when you don’t call or text me back” rather than “you don’t call or text me back.” This approach can prevent arguments.

Reminiscing about your early days together can rekindle your sexual connection. Share stories of your first meetings and what initially attracted you to each other. Including your children in this can be fun, but when alone, reflect on intimate memories and consider whether there’s anything you’d like to reintroduce into your sex life.

Saying no to sex can be tough to handle due to embarrassment on both sides. Discussing how to respond to such refusals beforehand can ease the tension. Offering or accepting a refusal with a hug and a brief explanation helps prevent awkwardness.

Consider how you deal with silence in your relationship. Determine whether you view it as natural or awkward and whether your partner feels the same. Discussing this can reveal different understandings and help prevent misunderstandings.

When you have something important to discuss, choose the right moment. Avoid catching your partner off guard. Planning and having headline statements like “I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday” is clearer than “What were you thinking of doing on Saturday?”

Keep important conversations concise, ideally under 20 minutes, to avoid frustration. If unresolved, schedule another discussion.

Date nights can help couples focus on their relationship away from daily pressures. Keep your expectations realistic and ensure the conversation is light and enjoyable.

When you do have sex, make it special by eliminating distractions like phones and pets. Prepare everything you might need in advance to avoid mood-killing interruptions.

After sex, take a few minutes to cuddle and connect. This reinforces the value of your shared time.

Growing up, you and your partner may have learned different conventions regarding sex and intimacy. Be sensitive to these differences and communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings. For example, if public displays of affection make your partner uncomfortable, discuss it rather than making assumptions.

Expectations based on gender roles can influence sexual expression. Talk about these expectations and how they affect you. Discuss what you truly want versus what you think you should want based on societal norms. This can lead to a more fulfilling sex life that aligns with both partners’ desires.

Don’t expect your partner to guess your needs. Communicate openly about what you want. If discussing sexual needs feels awkward, start with non-sexual favors to ease into it.

Sensual touch, like gentle caressing without sexual intent, can enhance intimacy. Explore each other’s bodies to discover areas that bring joy without focusing solely on arousal.

Realistically, spontaneous sex might not always happen. It may be helpful to plan intimate times. Occasionally, agree on a no-sex period to relax and enjoy non-sexual affection, which can foster a positive attitude toward touch and your relationship.

Insecurities about body image can affect sexual desire. Be understanding and supportive of your partner’s feelings. If they prefer having the lights off or staying partially clothed, respect that preference to help them feel comfortable.

Appreciate acts of intimacy for what they are, without expecting them to lead to sex. Enjoy kissing and cuddling for their own sake, which can enhance feelings of closeness and satisfaction.

Overall, effective communication, understanding, and mutual respect are key to improving intimacy and sexual satisfaction in a relationship.