Talking about sex can be awkward, so many of us avoid it. But being open about it can actually bring more closeness back into your relationship. Here are some tips to help you get started.

If you and your partner struggle to talk about sex or feelings in general, try this exercise: get a notebook and dedicate one page to writing requests to your partner, and the opposite page for responses. The responses should start with “I will” to show a positive approach. For example, “I will think about that” or “I will discuss this with you tonight.” This method helps in clear communication and avoids feelings of rejection.

Make sure both of you engage fully in this process. Keep the notebook in an accessible place and check it daily to stay in tune with each other’s feelings and needs. This simple practice can help bring up concerns and ensure they are addressed rather than ignored.

Also, don’t forget to express appreciation for the little things your partner does. Saying things like “I love it when you make dinner” or “Thanks for supporting me on that issue” can help improve intimacy.

When discussing something that bothers you, avoid starting with “you”, which might sound blaming. Instead, say “I feel a bit upset when you don’t call me back” rather than “You don’t call me back”. This phrasing is less likely to start an argument.

Reminiscing about your early days together can also help restore your connection. Talk about your early meetings and what attracted you to each other. If you have kids, share positive stories about how your relationship began. When alone, reflect on your early sexual memories. You might even find things you want to reintroduce into your current love life.

Saying no to sex can be tricky. To prevent awkwardness, discuss how to handle refusals before they happen. Offering a hug and a brief explanation can help avoid misunderstandings.

Consider how you and your partner handle silence. Is it awkward, or a sign of comfort? Making sure you both see it the same way can prevent misunderstandings and improve communication.

Choose the right moment to discuss important matters. Avoid catching your partner off guard. Make your intentions clear, like saying “I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday” instead of “What are your plans for Saturday?” This direct approach helps avoid confusion.

Sensitive discussions should be kept short, ideally under 20 minutes. Prolonging them can lead to frustration and unresolved issues. If needed, schedule another talk to finish the conversation.

Date nights are great for focusing on your relationship. Keep expectations realistic and focus on enjoying each other’s company. When you do have sex, make it special. Remove distractions like phones or pets and keep necessary items handy to avoid mood-killing interruptions.

Post-sex cuddles and kisses are just as important as the act itself. Spend a few minutes enjoying this time to reinforce your bond.

Be mindful of how you and your partner were raised regarding sex and intimacy. Different upbringings can lead to misunderstandings, so talk about your backgrounds and find a common ground. Accept each other’s differences without making assumptions.

Discuss how gender roles and societal expectations affect your sexual behavior. Understanding these influences can lead to a more fulfilling sex life that suits both of you, rather than conforming to traditional roles.

Don’t expect your partner to guess your needs. Communicate openly about your desires. If it feels awkward, try asking for non-sexual favors first to ease into the process. Encourage your partner to do the same.

Stay curious and keep discovering each other’s desires to avoid sexual boredom. Address concerns as they arise, rather than letting them fester.

Experiment with sensual touch without a sexual agenda. Use fingertips, lips, or even feathers to explore each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. This can enhance your closeness and overall intimacy.

Realize that spontaneous sex might not always be practical, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. Sometimes, you may need to plan for it. Agreeing on a break from sex can also help you appreciate intimacy in other forms, like kisses and cuddles.

Be sensitive to your partner’s body insecurities. If they prefer the lights off or staying partially clothed, accommodate their comfort rather than teasing or discouraging them. This helps them relax and enjoy the experience more.

Appreciate acts of intimacy as much as sex itself. Moments like a soft touch, a shared look, or a stolen kiss can strengthen your bond. Enjoy these moments for what they are, instead of assuming they must lead to sex.

Remember, enjoying the little moments of closeness without the pressure of sex can enhance your overall intimacy and connection.