Did you find the Fifty Shades Trilogy hard to resist? You’re not alone! We’ve teamed up with BDSM expert Madame Caramel and sex therapist Sarah Berry to help turn your fantasies into reality with a beginner’s guide to BDSM.
Many of us like to think we’re open-minded when it comes to sex, but often, we stick to a routine. While this is perfectly fine, sometimes we hold back our deepest desires to fit in—but is that really necessary?
Sex has always been an evolving exploration. Back in the 19th century, people often had sex fully clothed, with special openings sewn into their clothes. Anything beyond the missionary position was considered taboo, not to mention oral or anal sex. Nowadays, these acts are part of regular “vanilla” sex. Those who enjoy rough sex, kinks, or fetishes are now seen as the rebels—could we be missing out?
If you’ve ever daydreamed about spicing up your sex life with BDSM but didn’t know where to begin, our experts are here to help. Madame Caramel explains that BDSM can mean different things to different people. It stands for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D&S), and Sadism & Masochism (S&M). In her own life, Madame Caramel couldn’t imagine her relationship without BDSM, where she plays the dominant role and her partner the submissive.
Bondage and discipline involve training and restraining a submissive partner, which can range from simple acts like covering your partner’s eyes to more complex setups like Shibari rope tying or using handcuffs. Discipline focuses on modifying behavior with rewards or punishments such as spanking or playful humiliation.
In a BDSM relationship, there’s always a Dominant and a submissive. Doms are male dominants, while Dommes are female. Submissives, or “subs,” are those who give up control. Understanding the nuances between these roles is key. While dominance and submission involve control, sadism and masochism revolve around the pleasure of giving or receiving pain.
Both elements can coexist in a BDSM relationship but aren’t always linked. If you’re curious about which role suits you, our expert Sarah suggests experimenting. You might find yourself switching roles or enjoying both, as many people take on different roles based on context.
BDSM allows you and your partner to explore new dimensions of your relationship, fostering a deeper connection. However, Sarah warns that it only works if both partners are on the same page. Good communication is crucial.
Madame Caramel emphasizes the importance of open dialogue. If you’re interested in BDSM, talk about your desires with your partner without fear. Subtle approaches like sharing a suggestive movie can also help spark a conversation. If discussing fantasies seems daunting, start small and gradually integrate new elements.
Remember, BDSM should be fun and mutually exciting. Once you’ve aligned your desires, you don’t need expensive gear to start. Everyday items can be repurposed in playful ways. It’s wise to establish a safe word, as some role-play might confuse consent with enjoyment.
With these insights, you’re ready to spice up your sex life and have fun exploring BDSM. Sarah Berry is a well-established sex and relationship therapist, while Madame Caramel is an internationally renowned BDSM educator.
