Talking about sex can be awkward, so many people avoid it. However, discussing sex and intimacy can make your relationship stronger, according to Cate Campbell, author of The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy.

If you and your partner struggle to talk about sex or express your feelings, try this: get a notebook and write requests to your partner on one page, and your partner writes responses on the opposite page. The key is for responses to start with “I will” to keep things positive. For instance, you might write “I will think about that” or “I will discuss it with you tonight.” This helps foster open communication without making anyone feel rejected. Make sure to check the notebook daily to address any concerns and ensure you’re both on the same page.

Compliment your partner on things you appreciate. It could be as simple as “I love when you make dinner” or “I appreciated your support with the kids.” Such positive reinforcement can bring you closer.

When expressing dissatisfaction, use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I feel upset when you don’t text me back” instead of “you never text me back.” This approach can prevent arguments because it focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame.

Reminiscing about your early days together can rekindle your connection. Share stories about what initially attracted you to each other. This can be fun, even with your kids, and when you’re alone, you can discuss early sexual memories, possibly reintroducing some elements into your current relationship.

Saying no to sex can be tough. Discuss your approach to refusal beforehand to avoid awkwardness. A hug and a brief explanation can make the situation more comfortable for both of you.

Consider how you deal with silence in your relationship. Is it awkward or a sign of comfort? Discuss this with your partner to ensure you understand each other’s perspectives. Misunderstandings about silence can cause unnecessary tension.

Choose the right moment for important conversations. Plan them for times when you both can concentrate without feeling rushed.

Be direct and clear instead of hinting. For example, say “I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday” rather than “What are you doing on Saturday?” This prevents confusion.

Keep conversations on track by limiting their duration to around 20 minutes. If more time is needed, plan a follow-up discussion to avoid frustration.

Date nights are great for reconnecting, but keep expectations realistic. The goal is to relax and enjoy each other’s company. When you plan to be intimate, minimize distractions by turning off your phone and keeping pets out of the room. Prepare any needed items, like contraceptives, in advance to avoid interruptions.

After sex, take a moment to cuddle. Even a few minutes of affection can reinforce the positive experience and show you value each other.

Understand that your partner’s upbringing might affect their comfort with intimacy. Discuss your different backgrounds to avoid misinterpretations and arguments.

Don’t expect your partner to guess your desires—communicate them clearly. If you feel awkward, start with a non-sexual favor to ease into it. Encourage your partner to do the same. Continuous curiosity about each other’s needs can prevent sexual boredom.

Engage in non-sexual sensual touch, like using your fingertips or lips to caress, to enhance intimacy. Avoid sexual areas at first to rediscover less acknowledged parts of each other’s bodies.

Accept that spontaneous sex isn’t always possible. Sometimes you need to plan or even take a break from sex to appreciate other forms of physical closeness like kisses and cuddles.

Be understanding about body insecurities. If your partner prefers having the lights off or being partially clothed, support them. This can help them feel more relaxed and enhance your connection.

Finally, appreciate non-sexual acts of intimacy, like a soft touch or a stolen kiss. These moments can be just as important as sex for maintaining closeness. Enjoy them without the expectation that they lead to sex, removing any pressure and enhancing your overall relationship satisfaction.