Did you get hooked on the Fifty Shades Trilogy? You’re definitely not alone. To help turn those fantasies into reality, we’ve teamed up with BDSM Mistress Madame Caramel and Sex Therapist Sarah Berry to present a beginner’s guide to BDSM.

Let’s be honest, while many of us pride ourselves on being open-minded, we often stick to our comfort zones, especially when it comes to sex. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, but sometimes, in trying to conform, we end up pushing down our true sexual desires. But at what cost?

Sex is like an ever-changing art form. Back in the 19th century, it was normal for people to have sex fully clothed with special holes sewn into their attire just for intercourse. Anything beyond the missionary position was off-limits, and oral or anal sex were major taboos. Fast forward to today, and these acts are standard parts of “vanilla” sex. Those who prefer rougher sex, kinks, or fetishes are now considered the unconventional ones. Are we possibly missing out?

For those who have ever fantasized about introducing BDSM into their sex life but didn’t know where to start, we’re here with insights from BDSM Mistress Madame Caramel and Sex Therapist Sarah Berry. Madame Caramel explains that BDSM can signify different things depending on the person, encompassing bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M).

In her own relationship, Madame Caramel finds it hard to imagine life without BDSM. They enjoy all elements, with her being the dominant partner and her fiancé the submissive. Bondage and discipline involve training and restraining the submissive partner, using acts that can be as simple as blindfolding or hand-holding. This can evolve to more complex practices like Japanese Shibari rope bondage or using handcuffs.

Discipline revolves around modifying behavior, where the submissive’s actions are corrected with punishments. These can be physical, like spanking, or psychological, like erotic humiliation. In a BDSM dynamic, there is always a Dominant, responsible for leading, and a submissive, who yields control. Male Dominants are often called “Doms,” while female Dominates are “Dommes.” Submissive partners, whether male or female, are usually referred to as “subs.”

Pain can play a role in BDSM through sadism and masochism, where one partner derives pleasure from inflicting pain, and the other enjoys receiving it. However, the focus may also just be about control, without any pain implemented.

Now that we’ve covered the basics, it’s time to explore which role suits you best. As Sarah Berry points out, a BDSM session could have you exploring being either dominant or submissive, or even swapping roles throughout. Some people thrive as submissives at home despite being dominant in their careers, while others like the flexibility of switching roles.

The beauty of BDSM is the chance to discover your deepest fantasies in a secure and trusting environment, which can boost mental health and strengthen your relationship. But Sarah Berry advises that BDSM only enhances a relationship if both partners are interested and comfortable with the idea.

Good communication is essential when introducing something new to your sex life. Madame Caramel suggests openly discussing your desires with your partner and experimenting without fear once you’re on the same page.

If you’re worried about broaching the topic verbally, consider non-verbal communication like leaving a sexy note or watching a spicy movie together. Sarah Berry recommends asking your partner about their fantasies and suggesting new things you might both enjoy.

If you decide to try BDSM, remember that it doesn’t require buying expensive gear or going over-the-top. Look around your home, and you might find items that can help explore BDSM – like using a dressing gown tie for restraint or a brush as a playful paddle.

Create a safe and clear channel for communication using a “safe word” since some commands and expressions might be part of the role play. Sarah Berry points out that BDSM elements, like pinning someone down or indulging in role-play, might already be part of your intimate life.

When you’re ready, you can enhance the experience with outfits like latex or leather for a touch of role play. Essential accessories like blindfolds can add an element of suspense, while items like a gag ball or handcuffs can make things more thrilling for the submissive partner.

BDSM should be a joint venture where no one feels pressured, and the experience is exciting rather than overwhelming. Keep the conversation open about what you both enjoy and want from the experience. Ready to take your knowledge of BDSM and have some fun?

Sarah Berry is a certified Sex & Relationship therapist, and Madame Caramel is a well-known UK Mistress and BDSM educator.