Talking about sex can be awkward, so many of us avoid it. But discussing it openly can actually bring more intimacy into your relationship, says Cate Campbell, author of the Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy.

If you struggle to talk about sex and feelings with your partner, here’s a simple method that might help. Get a notebook and write your requests to each other on one page, while the opposite page is for responses. Make sure responses start with ‘I will’ to keep things positive. For example, writing ‘I will think about that’ or ‘I will discuss that with you tonight’ shows that you’re open to communication rather than rejecting each other’s feelings.

Both of you need to engage with this process equally. Keep the notebook in a place where you can easily see it and check it daily to share your thoughts on the relationship. This makes it easier to bring up concerns and ensure they’re addressed.

Appreciate the little things your partner does. Tell them you loved the dinner they made or how they supported you during a tough situation. This acknowledgment can help reignite intimacy.

When discussing issues, avoid starting sentences with ‘you’ as it can sound blaming. Instead, use ‘I feel’ statements to express your feelings without provoking an argument. For example, say ‘I always feel upset when you don’t text me back’ rather than ‘You don’t text me back.’

Reminiscing about how you met and early experiences together can restore your sexual connection. Share these stories with your kids for fun, and when you’re alone, reflect on early sexual memories. You may even want to bring some old spark back into your love life.

Saying no to sex can be tough, but it helps to talk about it beforehand. If someone says no, a hug and a brief explanation can prevent hurt feelings and awkwardness.

Consider how you deal with silence in your relationship. Is it awkward or natural? Discuss your feelings about silences with your partner to avoid misunderstandings. By understanding each other better, you can improve communication.

Choose the right moments to discuss important issues. Plan conversations for times when you’re both relaxed and can talk without distractions.

Be direct with what you want to communicate. Saying ‘I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday’ is clearer than asking ‘What are we doing on Saturday?’ This avoids confusion and guessing games.

Keep your discussions concise. Aim for conversations to last under 20 minutes to avoid frustration. If the issue isn’t resolved, plan another time to continue the conversation.

Date nights are a fantastic way to reconnect. Use them to relax and enjoy each other’s company without the interference of work or family. During date nights, keep conversations light and focus on having fun.

When it comes to sex, make it special. Turn off your phone and keep pets out of the room to avoid distractions. Have everything you might need on hand to avoid interruptions that can kill the mood.

After sex, take a few minutes to cuddle and kiss. This reinforces the special time you shared and helps you both feel valued.

Understand that sexual conventions we learn growing up can affect our behavior and attitudes. Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings, especially if they were raised with different views on affection and intimacy. Neither of you is right or wrong; you’re just different. Respect these differences to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Gender roles also influence our sexual behavior. Discuss these expectations with your partner to ensure they aren’t negatively affecting your relationship. Open conversations can help you both enjoy a fulfilling sex life without feeling pressured by gender norms.

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind about your sexual needs. Communicate openly about what you want. If this feels awkward, start with non-sexual requests to ease into the conversation.

Explore each other’s bodies without the pressure of sex. Sensual touch, like kissing or gentle caresses, can deepen intimacy. This non-sexual touch can be exciting and help you feel closer.

Spontaneous sex is great but not always realistic, especially for long-term couples. Plan intimate time together to maintain a healthy sex life.

Sometimes, agreeing on a temporary sex ban can help you relax and appreciate other forms of closeness like kisses and cuddles. This can give you a more positive attitude towards touch and your relationship overall.

Body insecurities can impact your sex life. Be mindful of your partner’s feelings about their body. If they’re self-conscious, respect their needs like keeping the lights off or staying partially clothed. Patience and understanding will help them feel more comfortable.

Show appreciation for intimate acts like a loving glance or a gentle touch. These are expressions of sexuality that enhance feelings of desire and satisfaction. Enjoy them for what they are, without expecting them to lead to sex.

In summary, communication and sensitivity are key to a healthy and intimate relationship. By understanding each other’s needs and feelings, you can foster a deeper connection and a more satisfying sex life.